Igor Espittia, LCSW, ACSW
On Becoming ………
We all want joy, peace, connection, health, the ability to make a meaningful contribution to the world, to make a decent living, and to be part of something greater than ourselves. At any given time we are doing the best we can given our circumstances and what we perceive to be our own abilities. We inherently possess needs and are equipped with both skills and strengths to negotiate our journeys and live out our hopes. The path we take and the challenges we face are specific and unique to ourselves yet we are all in some form or stage of becoming. Along the way, we may get stuck, become uncertain, overcome by life’s struggles, stifled in our own field of possibilities, frightened and restricted. At these times, knowingly or unknowingly we can become identified with the thoughts in our minds and underneath them, the self limiting beliefs we build our life upon. These beliefs, when left unexamined can become the basis for our life’s scripts that can interfere with the very desires and hopes we aim to achieve.
We are all probably familiar or acquainted with the ideas of intention, the laws of attraction, and the inherent premise that we co-create our own life circumstance. Simply stated this concept directs us to consider and hold on to those intentions we desire as a way to make manifest their fullness in our lives. This idea in and of itself is a great tool in keeping our focus and even more beneficial as a way to energize our actions to a desired change. Somehow between our intentions and the required actions we turn to a place of challenge, sometimes, again and again, a place where we are likely to activate old thought patterns, beliefs and behaviors that make it difficult to take action. We may become discouraged or deflated and give up, turn further away from ourselves, or we can be challenged to use this as an opportunity to explore at a deeper personal level what is being experienced, i.e. The meaning we attribute to it, the impact it has on our life and what we may need to turn our determination forward.
In my work and in life I am drawn to help myself and others discover and learn how a particular personal view gets formed, how it is maintained, and how to allow the change that can support the hopes and dreams we each hold in our life, in our intentions. This exploration into becoming more real to ourselves allows us to see the forces that have combined to shape and help create a “mask” a “persona”, an identity we constructed, most often--as a form of in compromise with our Self.
It has been said that we don’t escape childhood without an injury of some sort, for most of us “injury “ may refer to the threat or active deprivation to some aspect of our early needs, i.e.. Loss of parental love, safety or connection, for others it may relate to some form of abuse. The effects of which are often manifested, to varying degrees in a variety of common maladies we all know .i.e...Anxiety, depression, substance related issues, anger problems, and personality disorders among others. It is suggested that early on, as children, we developed our own unique way to move away from some form of pain, deprivation, or assault. These adaptations continue to be strengthened by social pressures during our adult life often resulting in problematic behavior patterns and ultimately, contributing to the denial of the Genuine Self.
In my work these ideas are brought together with an understanding of how we live them in our own physical body. We learn how we form this “armor” as a form of defense against a real or perceived threat to our Self / Needs. We gain an understanding of how we operate internally to support or sabotage our efforts and learn to support our Self, our Life, in a more real way based on the reality of our present experience in adult life. As children, we were dependent on adults to survive, in a very real sense, both physically and emotionally. As conscious adults, we can reclaim a new freedom. The freedom to Be that comes from a new understanding, a new acceptance to embrace your Self, a new clarity, and with it a new motivation to nourish our intentions into desired action.